Wednesday, June 3, 2015

How A Mother Talks To Her Child... Mother Connect and Father Correct!

Generally what does the mother do with the child; CONNECT right!
And what does the father do; CORRECT!

Exceptions are there, no doubt about that but generally we see the mother connecting with the child and the father correcting. It does not mean that the mother does not correct the child. She corrects the child but only after connecting a lot.  Mother connects with the child so much that the child does not feel pinch of correcting.

Connect take time, it require a design, it requires emotions and most important thoughts.

Take a situation where the child is not interested to drink a glass of milk. Parents make all the effort to convince the child to drink. The way a father convinces and the mother convinces the child is entirely different. Even though their intention are same to make the child drink milk by taking interest. Their approaches are different.

Mother tells the child, "You do not want to drink milk, OK, do not drink, and keep it aside. Come to me, 'Mother hugs the child and explains 'If you drink milk you can become Sachin Tendulkar.' Sparkles comes into the child's eyes, he asks curiously, 'Can I become like Tendulkar Mummy?'. Yes, why not, but for that you need to be as strong as Tendulkar. To become strong and sharp as Tendulkar you need to drink milk everyday'. Now the child is interested to drink milk because mother could connect with the child.

Now think for a while how a typical father convinces the child. Father looks him in the eye and shouts' do you know how much price a one liter milk comes for. One liter milk comes for forty five rupees and you are throwing tantrums. Here you are refusing to drink milk. How stupid you are, drink milk now. I say drink milk now, quick!'

Now the child runs towards mother for rescue. Mother hugs the child and requests him to stop crying. Mother then asks the father, "What have you told him, again he is crying?' Father defends by explaining, 'There are number of children who die due to malnutrition, they are not even getting two square meals per day. And he is getting everything sill he is not drinking milk.'

Now the father has to realize that he does not have to be so knowledge to convince a child. Moreover any knowledge which cannot enable us to convince a child to drink milk is not useful. Father has to accept the fact the knowledge he is trying to give his child, mother already has that. But the mother behaved according to the child's capacity to learn. Mother understood the situation clearly. She knows which method will work now and which method will not work.

Mother becomes successful in convincing the child to drink milk because she connected with the child in his own terms whereas father tries to correct the child by giving logic. Suppose the father yells at the child and says,'Do you realize the important of calcium, milk has calcium in it, and you do not understand anything.' The child comes back and asks the father, 'OK I agree, tell me how much calcium one liter milk has? Now father is clueless, even if he has answer it is of no use.

What we understand here is when you keep on correcting people through your knowledge, you will be losing for sure. May be in  short term and definitely in the long term you will lose. When you connect with the people there is no losing and no winning. There is a bond that gets built or if it is there it gets strengthened.

"Our paths may change as life goes along, But the bond between us remains ever strong." TAPAS