Wednesday, June 3, 2015

How A Mother Talks To Her Child... Mother Connect and Father Correct!

Generally what does the mother do with the child; CONNECT right!
And what does the father do; CORRECT!

Exceptions are there, no doubt about that but generally we see the mother connecting with the child and the father correcting. It does not mean that the mother does not correct the child. She corrects the child but only after connecting a lot.  Mother connects with the child so much that the child does not feel pinch of correcting.

Connect take time, it require a design, it requires emotions and most important thoughts.

Take a situation where the child is not interested to drink a glass of milk. Parents make all the effort to convince the child to drink. The way a father convinces and the mother convinces the child is entirely different. Even though their intention are same to make the child drink milk by taking interest. Their approaches are different.

Mother tells the child, "You do not want to drink milk, OK, do not drink, and keep it aside. Come to me, 'Mother hugs the child and explains 'If you drink milk you can become Sachin Tendulkar.' Sparkles comes into the child's eyes, he asks curiously, 'Can I become like Tendulkar Mummy?'. Yes, why not, but for that you need to be as strong as Tendulkar. To become strong and sharp as Tendulkar you need to drink milk everyday'. Now the child is interested to drink milk because mother could connect with the child.

Now think for a while how a typical father convinces the child. Father looks him in the eye and shouts' do you know how much price a one liter milk comes for. One liter milk comes for forty five rupees and you are throwing tantrums. Here you are refusing to drink milk. How stupid you are, drink milk now. I say drink milk now, quick!'

Now the child runs towards mother for rescue. Mother hugs the child and requests him to stop crying. Mother then asks the father, "What have you told him, again he is crying?' Father defends by explaining, 'There are number of children who die due to malnutrition, they are not even getting two square meals per day. And he is getting everything sill he is not drinking milk.'

Now the father has to realize that he does not have to be so knowledge to convince a child. Moreover any knowledge which cannot enable us to convince a child to drink milk is not useful. Father has to accept the fact the knowledge he is trying to give his child, mother already has that. But the mother behaved according to the child's capacity to learn. Mother understood the situation clearly. She knows which method will work now and which method will not work.

Mother becomes successful in convincing the child to drink milk because she connected with the child in his own terms whereas father tries to correct the child by giving logic. Suppose the father yells at the child and says,'Do you realize the important of calcium, milk has calcium in it, and you do not understand anything.' The child comes back and asks the father, 'OK I agree, tell me how much calcium one liter milk has? Now father is clueless, even if he has answer it is of no use.

What we understand here is when you keep on correcting people through your knowledge, you will be losing for sure. May be in  short term and definitely in the long term you will lose. When you connect with the people there is no losing and no winning. There is a bond that gets built or if it is there it gets strengthened.

"Our paths may change as life goes along, But the bond between us remains ever strong." TAPAS

Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Labyrinths Prayer - Lessons For Living

I am pretty new to contemplative prayer, but not new to faith. I have spent more than half of my life seeking God and learning about Him. But two years ago I was introduced to contemplative prayer.

To be honest, I struggled with it at first.

I found that there were obstacles in my own heart and mind that got in the way of me embracing solitude, silence, and stillness before God.

  • Fear that I wasn't doing enough, a wrong perception of what I was doing;
  • Doubt that there would be any benefit, anxiety wondering what might be stirred up.
  • And most of all doubt that with my busy life raising five kids I could make room for this way of spending time with God.

A labyrinth is a path which leads, via a circuitous route, to the center of an intricate design and back out again.

We are all on the path... exactly where we need to be. The labyrinth is a model of that path.

The kind of labyrinth we designed looks a lot like a maze, but it has a significant difference. If you stay on the path, you can not get lost. The path takes you to the center and then takes you back again. There are no wrong turns, no blocked paths, and no decisions about which way to go. This type of labyrinth is pilgrimage friendly.

A labyrinth is a right brain task. It involves intuition, creativity, and imagery. With a maze many choices must be made and an active mind is needed to solve the problem of finding the center. With a labyrinth there is only one choice to be made. The choice is to enter or not.

At its most basic level the labyrinth is a metaphor for the journey to the center of your deepest self and back out into the world with a broadened understanding of who you are.

Wednesday, April 1, 2015

First Connect Then Correct - Ask Better Questions To Get Better Answers

A little boy of seven asked his mother "mom, how can i benefit you from these connect-correct and make better relations?"

Mom Asked the boy, "With whom do you want to have better relation?"

The little boy promptly said, "Dada ji" (Grand Father)

The mother suggested the boy that he should go to his grandfather ask, "Dada ji; How is your muscle pain now a days?" The boy ran to his dada ji and asked, "How is your pain now a days?" Dada ji's face reflected many marks of uneasiness, and then he said hesitantly, "It's terrible, very painful, especially in winters it pains a lot, and I am not at all with myself when it continuously hurts for couple of hours....."

The boy came back to mother and said, "mom dada ji's mood is off, he is behaving like a whiner, and i will not go to him again." The mother waited for a while then after fifteen minutes she again suggested the boy that he should go and ask dada ji about his childhood days and what mischievous thing he did during those days. The boy went and asked, "Dada ji, in your childhood what mischievous things you did?". Dada ji's face suddenly changed for the better as if he was altogether a different person and ready to speak for two hours untiringly.

He said, "You don't do anything as we did, you are always glued to TV or video game, In our days I used to go to watch Ram Lila by walking seven miles, I used to swim for 10 minutes continuously under the water, I used to so and so... and it went on....

The boy came to mother and said,"Mom, dada ji is very excited, now he seems to be happy."

Then the mother explained the power of connecting and asking questions and said, "Ask better questions to get better answers."

"When you connect first with people you bring a smile on their face. First Connect Then Correct!" -TAPAS

Monday, March 30, 2015

Stephen Covey's Seven Habits of Highly Effective People

Habit 1 : Be Proactive:

Your life doesn't just "happen." Whether you know it or not, it is carefully designed by you. The choices, after all, are yours. You choose happiness. You choose sadness. You choose decisiveness. You choose ambivalence. You choose success. You choose failure. You choose courage. You choose fear. Just remember that every moment, every situation, provides a new choice. And in doing so, it gives you a perfect opportunity to do things differently to produce more positive results.

Habit 1: Be Proactive is about taking responsibility for your life. You can't keep blaming everything on your parents or grandparents. Proactive people recognize that they are "response-able." They don't blame genetics, circumstances, conditions, or conditioning for their behavior. They know they choose their behavior. Reactive people, on the other hand, are often affected by their physical environment. They find external sources to blame for their behavior. If the weather is good, they feel good. If it isn't, it affects their attitude and performance, and they blame the weather. All of these external forces act as stimuli that we respond to. Between the stimulus and the response is your greatest power--you have the freedom to choose your response. One of the most important things you choose is what you say. Your language is a good indicator of how you see yourself. A proactive person uses proactive language--I can, I will, I prefer, etc. A reactive person uses reactive language--I can't, I have to, if only. Reactive people believe they are not responsible for what they say and do--they have no choice.

Instead of reacting to or worrying about conditions over which they have little or no control, proactive people focus their time and energy on things they can control. The problems, challenges, and opportunities we face fall into two areas--Circle of Concern and Circle of Influence.

Proactive people focus their efforts on their Circle of Influence. They work on the things they can do something about: health, children, problems at work. Reactive people focus their efforts in the Circle of Concern--things over which they have little or no control: the national debt, terrorism, the weather. Gaining an awareness of the areas in which we expend our energies in is a giant step in becoming proactive.

Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind: 

So, what do you want to be when you grow up? That question may appear a little trite, but think about it for a moment. Are you--right now--who you want to be, what you dreamed you'd be, doing what you always wanted to do? Be honest. Sometimes people find themselves achieving victories that are empty--successes that have come at the expense of things that were far more valuable to them. If your ladder is not leaning against the right wall, every step you take gets you to the wrong place faster.

Habit 2 is based on imagination--the ability to envision in your mind what you cannot at present see with your eyes. It is based on the principle that all things are created twice. There is a mental (first) creation, and a physical (second) creation. The physical creation follows the mental, just as a building follows a blueprint. If you don't make a conscious effort to visualize who you are and what you want in life, then you empower other people and circumstances to shape you and your life by default. It's about connecting again with your own uniqueness and then defining the personal, moral, and ethical guidelines within which you can most happily express and fulfill yourself. Begin with the End in Mind means to begin each day, task, or project with a clear vision of your desired direction and destination, and then continue by flexing your proactive muscles to make things happen.

One of the best ways to incorporate Habit 2 into your life is to develop a Personal Mission Statement. It focuses on what you want to be and do. It is your plan for success. It reaffirms who you are, puts your goals in focus, and moves your ideas into the real world. Your mission statement makes you the leader of your own life. You create your own destiny and secure the future you envision.

Habit 3: Put First Things First:

To live a more balanced existence, you have to recognize that not doing everything that comes along is okay. There's no need to overextend yourself. All it takes is realizing that it's all right to say no when necessary and then focus on your highest priorities.

Habit 1 says, "You're in charge. You're the creator." Being proactive is about choice. Habit 2 is the first, or mental, creation. Beginning with the End in Mind is about vision. Habit 3 is the second creation, the physical creation. This habit is where Habits 1 and 2 come together. It happens day in and day out, moment-by-moment. It deals with many of the questions addressed in the field of time management. But that's not all it's about. Habit 3 is about life management as well--your purpose, values, roles, and priorities. What are "first things?" First things are those things you, personally, find of most worth. If you put first things first, you are organizing and managing time and events according to the personal priorities you established in Habit 2.

Habit 4: Think Win-Win

Think Win-Win isn't about being nice, nor is it a quick-fix technique. It is a character-based code for human interaction and collaboration.

Most of us learn to base our self-worth on comparisons and competition. We think about succeeding in terms of someone else failing--that is, if I win, you lose; or if you win, I lose. Life becomes a zero-sum game. There is only so much pie to go around, and if you get a big piece, there is less for me; it's not fair, and I'm going to make sure you don't get anymore. We all play the game, but how much fun is it really?

Win-win sees life as a cooperative arena, not a competitive one. Win-win is a frame of mind and heart that constantly seeks mutual benefit in all human interactions. Win-win means agreements or solutions are mutually beneficial and satisfying. We both get to eat the pie, and it tastes pretty darn good!

A person or organization that approaches conflicts with a win-win attitude possesses three vital character traits:

  • Integrity: sticking with your true feelings, values, and commitments
  • Maturity: expressing your ideas and feelings with courage and consideration for the ideas and feelings of others
  • Abundance Mentality: believing there is plenty for everyone

Many people think in terms of either/or: either you're nice or you're tough. Win-win requires that you be both. It is a balancing act between courage and consideration. To go for win-win, you not only have to be empathic, but you also have to be confident. You not only have to be considerate and sensitive, you also have to be brave. To do that--to achieve that balance between courage and consideration--is the essence of real maturity and is fundamental to win-win.

Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood: 

Communication is the most important skill in life. You spend years learning how to read and write, and years learning how to speak. But what about listening? What training have you had that enables you to listen so you really, deeply understand another human being? Probably none, right?

If you're like most people, you probably seek first to be understood; you want to get your point across. And in doing so, you may ignore the other person completely, pretend that you're listening, selectively hear only certain parts of the conversation or attentively focus on only the words being said, but miss the meaning entirely. So why does this happen? Because most people listen with the intent to reply, not to understand. You listen to yourself as you prepare in your mind what you are going to say, the questions you are going to ask, etc. You filter everything you hear through your life experiences, your frame of reference. You check what you hear against your autobiography and see how it measures up. And consequently, you decide prematurely what the other person means before he/she finishes communicating. Do any of the following sound familiar?

"Oh, I know just how you feel. I felt the same way." "I had that same thing happen to me." "Let me tell you what I did in a similar situation."

  • Because you so often listen autobiographically, you tend to respond in one of four ways:
  • Evaluating: You judge and then either agree or disagree.
  • Probing:         You ask questions from your own frame of reference.
  • Advising: You give counsel, advice, and solutions to problems.
  • Interpreting: You analyze others' motives and behaviors based on your own experiences.

You might be saying, "Hey, now wait a minute. I'm just trying to relate to the person by drawing on my own experiences. Is that so bad?" In some situations, autobiographical responses may be appropriate, such as when another person specifically asks for help from your point of view or when there is already a very high level of trust in the relationship.

Habit 6: Synergize: 

To put it simply, synergy means "two heads are better than one." Synergize is the habit of creative cooperation. It is teamwork, open-mindedness, and the adventure of finding new solutions to old problems. But it doesn't just happen on its own. It's a process, and through that process, people bring all their personal experience and expertise to the table. Together, they can produce far better results that they could individually. Synergy lets us discover jointly things we are much less likely to discover by ourselves. It is the idea that the whole is greater than the sum of the parts. One plus one equals three, or six, or sixty--you name it.

When people begin to interact together genuinely, and they're open to each other's influence, they begin to gain new insight. The capability of inventing new approaches is increased exponentially because of differences.

Valuing differences is what really drives synergy. Do you truly value the mental, emotional, and psychological differences among people? Or do you wish everyone would just agree with you so you could all get along? Many people mistake uniformity for unity; sameness for oneness. One word--boring! Differences should be seen as strengths, not weaknesses. They add zest to life.

Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw:

Sharpen the Saw means preserving and enhancing the greatest asset you have-you. It means having a balanced program for self-renewal in the four areas of your life: physical, social/emotional, mental, and spiritual. Here are some examples of activities:
Physical: Beneficial eating, exercising, and resting
Social/Emotional: Making social and meaningful connections with others
Mental: Learning, reading, writing, and teaching
Spiritual: Spending time in nature, expanding spiritual self through meditation, music, art, prayer, or service

As you renew yourself in each of the four areas, you create growth and change in your life. Sharpen the Saw keeps you fresh so you can continue to practice the other six habits. You increase your capacity to produce and handle the challenges around you. Without this renewal, the body becomes weak, the mind mechanical, the emotions raw, the spirit insensitive, and the person selfish. Not a pretty picture, is it?

Feeling good doesn't just happen. Living a life in balance means taking the necessary time to renew yourself. It's all up to you. You can renew yourself through relaxation. Or you can totally burn yourself out by overdoing everything. You can pamper yourself mentally and spiritually. Or you can go through life oblivious to your well-being. You can experience vibrant energy. Or you can procrastinate and miss out on the benefits of good health and exercise. You can revitalize yourself and face a new day in peace and harmony. Or you can wake up in the morning full of apathy because your get-up-and-go has got-up-and-gone. Just remember that every day provides a new opportunity for renewal-a new opportunity to recharge yourself instead of hitting the wall. All it takes is the desire, knowledge, and skill. 

Friday, March 20, 2015

A Letter To My Daughter Aaradhya on Her 1st Birthday And Its Lessons For Life!

To The Apple Of My Eyes, My Ever So Adorable Daughter Aaradhya!

I am writing this to you on your first birthday, but you won’t read it for many years yet. Where and when you will be reading this I don’t know. I have so many thoughts running around my mind and I thought I would write them all down so that one day, you can read and hopefully treasure them, the way I treasure you.

Today is March 20, 2015. Today is your first birthday. Today, you turned O-N-E. Three hundred and sixty five days ago, I stood with your mother as we welcomed you into this world. It was a time of unbelievable relation. Holding you in my arms for the first time there was this profound moment that the world had been disrupted by your presence, and that it was now my grand responsibility to help you become the woman you were meant to be.

Aaradhya, I always prayed for a daughter, and as an answer to my prayers God gifted us with you. You are a gift from God and this day only reminds us even more how grateful we all are to have you in our family. I will never forget where I was a year ago when I heard the wonderful news of your arrival. I am so happy to be sharing this day with you. Words cannot explain my emotions when the nurse at Navjeevan Nursing Home came over to me and said, “here’s your daughter”. And there was you my darling, Aaroo, clad in white, my tiny little angel!!! Darling, I have always shown to the world my rough and tough side, but I am more emotional than your mother, and if it comes to a “tear shedding competition” I would win it hands down. It is truly edged in my memory, that unforgettable moment, when my tears of joy almost got my shirt wet.

My daughter, it has been more than a 7 months today, since I last saw you when I came home during vacations (on September 15, 2014). You were staying at your Mother's parents home. You are still there at their home.

I know, we are far apart, but you will always be in my heart. I am thinking of you on this special day. I can not describe my love to you. “I miss you Aaroo. You definitely have learned to talk, learned to walk, I miss you calling me ‘Papa’, I miss you holding my hands to walk with." I really wanted to meet you on this special day but circumstances are not in our favor :(  this time. Soon, I will get you back!

My lovely daughter, today I wanted to share with you my hopes and wishes for your life, and to perhaps pass on a little wisdom, should my thoughts be deemed as wise.

I will give you my wise words. You will listen to some, and reject most. If nothing else, take note of where I have failed.
  • I will wish for you a life free from pain. But there will be pain. You will have your heart broken, your best friend will betray you. Stay strong. Through pain we learn and return to  joy.
  • I will dislike the man (or woman) you bring home. Forgive my selfishness. Should they prove worthy of you, I will love them too, eventually.
  • I will tell everyone about you. You’ll be embarrassed. But some day, you’ll know why I’m so proud.
  • I will give you everything that I am. I gave you life, that was a good start. But wherever I can help you be happier, it will be done.
  • I will strive to make you better than me. It will secretly hurt when you surpass me, but whatever you need to do it, will be yours.
  • I will dance at your Wedding. I will embarrass you.
  • I will thank God for your mother. She gave you birth. I love her a lot! She is beautiful, intelligent and ofcourse sanskari, but a lier :( she hasn't a beautiful heart).
  • I will cry over you. At your successes and failures. In your youth and middle-age. At our mutual joys and fears. I will cry because you are a part of me. Because you give me purpose.
  • I will hold you, support you, guide you, teach you, protect you and love you with all my heart and soul!
  • I can promise one thing further, "you will always be my baby".
I am your parents since the day you were born and until I draw my last breath. I hope that I stay healthy and see you live the most wonderful life. I can think of nothing more devastating than being denied the chance to see you grow into the wonderful human being that I know you will be. I hope you are blessed not only with a beautiful face, but with a beautiful heart too. I will do my utmost to teach you about being a beautiful person. To teach you that manners and courtesy will carry you far further in this life than a pretty face and a good pair of pins.

I can’t tell you in words how much I miss you my daughter Aaroo!
I love you my sweet Princes! May you have a wonderful first birthday, and a blessed future.

Your father has showered all his blessings to you!

Love you my Apricot! :) Cheeku :)

Thursday, January 15, 2015

7 Positive Habits That Will Help You Make 2015 A Successful Year

Most of us are all dealing with negative issues in our lives. It could be something like a mistake you made years ago, a negative family member or maybe its your health. Well let me tell you your not alone, I am right there with you. I always have negative thoughts and ideas attacking me. They try to keep me from full filling my dreams and achieving success. If you are like me, we all let our doubts, fears and our insecurities get the  best of us. I like call it a “negative storm.”  This “negative storm” can cause someone to feel stuck, lost and full of anxiety. It is the fear of the unknown that builds up in our mind and takes over like a dark cloud. This dark cloud follows us and rains on us, making us negative in our personal and professional lives. As humans, we sometimes focus on the negative and stay under that negative cloud that we created. We must understand that we can walk from under this cloud at anytime, and we have the power to make our days sunny and bright.

I am sharing with you 7 ways that I have found to be the most effective when attempting get through your personal “negative storm” and live a more productive and positive lifestyle along with my Get off Your Attitude Exercise (GOYA-cise) to get you moving.

1.      Think Positive

Thinking Positive is probably the most important of the ways that I can share with you, because you know that everything starts in the mind. Thoughts turn into feelings, which then turn into actions. If you tell yourself you can’t do something, you will ultimately find failure. If you tell yourself you can do it, you have increased your chances of accomplishing that goal. Keep your mind clear and your thoughts positive.  This way will bring great success to you in your personal and professional life.

GOYA-cise: When a negative thought comes into your mind, instantly swap it with a positive one. An example of this would be thinking about a child’s smile or someone you know. This will keep the mind clear of any negative thoughts.

2.      Get Around Positive People

Stay away from negative and pessimistic people. Surround yourself with positive people, and you will be more positive! This is a simple and crucial way in reaching a positive lifestyle. Negative people can rob you of your energy and your drive. We must learn to get around people that are like minded, have goals and the ones that have courage to go forward in life.

GOYA-cise: Think about someone that you respect and has the positive traits that you want to possess. Try to meet with that person frequently so that their positive attitude will become part of you.

3.      Read and Listen to Positive Information

One of the best ways to create a positive mindset is by filling it with positive information. Too many times we get our information from the wrong places. We get focused on the negative news of the world and it bleeds into our subconscious. We need to learn to be careful on what we let into our mind.  To get out of the negative rut, we need to get in the habit of picking up an inspirational book, find a positive article on the web or just listen to a positive inspirational CD.  These positive items will open your mind, encourage, inspire, and teach you how to create a positive mindset. (Some of my favorite inspirational authors are Zig Ziglar, Brian Tracy and Les Brown)

GOYA-cise:  Put a Positive CD in your car, home stereo or in at your office. Listen to it for the length of the car ride or 30 minutes in your home or office. Try to implement that one new positive idea that you learned into what you are doing that particular day.

4.      Focus on the Future

Too many of us dwell on our past and let it block our vision of our future. We think about something disturbing that happened to us or we think about something that someone has told us that upset us, and we play it over and over like an old movie reel. We need to break this bad habit and visualize on what we want our future to be. The next time your past is haunting you, instantly think about something in your future. Write down your goals and create a vision board.  This way you can always focus and see the positive things you want in life.

GOYA-cise: Make a list of all things that you want in life. Go online and find it, print a picture of each item. Pin them up on a board in your office or home where you can see them. Look at this vision board daily and visualize yourself possessing all of these items.

5.    Plan Ahead

Using time efficiently helps to maintain a positive attitude.  The best way to do this is to plan your day and your week ahead of time. We need to adopt this habit so that we won’t let procrastination take over and keep us from reaching our goals. The habit of planning and focusing on your priorities and important tasks will help you accomplish more in less time.  This very act will keep your life in check and help you stay on track towards your goals and let you know stay aware of your accomplishments.

GOYA-cise: Each day sit at your desk for ten minutes and map out your next day. This exercise can save two hours the next day.

6.      Be Grateful

Take some time everyday to be grateful and thankful for everything that you have in your life right now. It is easy for us to focus on what we don’t have or things we didn’t accomplish.  Find these great things and recognize them. The very thought of what you are grateful for will help you maintain a positive attitude in your life. This habit is one of the best ways to turn negative thinking into positive thinking instantly.

GOYA-cise: Write down the top 10 things you are grateful for and read them over at least 10 times daily!

7.      Exercise More

Daily exercise will help you improve your mood, along with helping to against stress and depression.  This healthy way of life will keep you living longer and living a healthier lifestyle. Remember exercising will also make you feel better about yourself.  When you feel better about yourself, it breeds confidence which will help you in your personal and professional life.

GOYA-cise: Go for a 30 minute brisk walk on a treadmill or around the neighborhood. This is a great exercise to create positive thinking.

If you follow and implement these 7 life changing ways of life daily, they will bring you the success and happiness you desire. They will take you from underneath that dark cloud of negativity and bring you out into the sunshine of a positive lifestyle. Use the GOYA-cises to improve your productivity and see the positive things like peace and happiness that will come into your life.

“Remember that it is up to you to choose everyday to Get off Your Attitude and to create a positive lifestyle for yourself and others.”   Ryan C. Lowe – Positive Attitude Coach