A Letter to My Daughter on Turning FIVE!

Dear Aaradhya,

This year on March 20, 2019, you turned FIVE.  I remember the moment you were born. You were so small. But I knew from the moment I saw your face, I loved you.

I love seeing you grow. Even though, I would love you to be little forever.

Five means you are still a child, but yet you are so independent. You put on your own clothes. You set your own plate. You get your own drink from the fridge.

You are 5 and you are brave, independent, stubborn, strong-willed, loving, selective, warm, bossy, difficult, easy, cuddly, and tough all in one. You can now drive a bycyle independently. You are so sweet. You are like me. :)

This letter isn’t to remember where you have been, it is to speak blessings over you for the future. I love you so deeply I could not express it all in words.

When you walk into a room and talk to someone new, you bring a smile to their face. Your joy in life brings joy to others. And it pours out to every person you interact with on a daily basis.

You are compassionate. If someone is hurt, you want them to feel better. If someone is sad, you want them to feel happy. And if you don’t know what is wrong with someone, you want to find out. I love your heart for people. It is adorable and a beautiful picture of God’s love for people.

You will always be my sweet daughter. No matter what happens in life, I will always love you. Through thick and thin, Good times and bad times, I will always love you. You are my daughter. And there will never be anything which will change this for me. You are good in all activities at your School. You always receives a positive feedback from your teacher.

Lastly, I wanted to tell you that there will be challenges over the next five years. You will find that not everyone is nice like your family. There will be other people who will be mean and try and tell you things which aren’t true. But I will be here for you. I vow to bring truth into your life.

I will not be able to keep you from the sadness in the world, but I will help you learn to deal with it and to know how important goodness can heal many wounds. There will be sadness and difficulty, but you won’t have to face it alone.

So today, I bless you to bring forth growth which will change the world. And I pray God will give you all that you need and build you up to do great things.


On May 29, 2019, (Your Nana, Nani) Mrs. Tara Tomar and Mr. Rajender Singh Tomar of Village Pabiana Again Playing With Me. Trying to separate you from me!

Cheeku, your mother (USHA) has some mental disorder and always try to quarrel with me for no reason. She is living here with me as an agent of her father and mother. She always try and wanted to dominate me infront of all people, her relatives and friends. She always used to say, "Tujhe To Mai Jaanboojh Ke Pareshan Kar Rahi Hu, Shadi To Kisi Aur Se Karungi Fir Usko Pareshan Ni Karungi Agar Wahan Bhi Achha Ni Lagega To Kisi Aur Se... And so on...".

These people have made my life hell. If anything will happen to me, only these three people are responsible. They are blackmailing me to take you away from me...

Listen to the sound track below how their behavior is with me. They are threatening me to file a case again on me and forcefully get your School certificate from your current school at Chandigarh.

I am upset, stressed and troubled/harassed by these people. They people troubling me from my path. The voice of those people each time/everyday stroke in my head like a storm. They are simply messing with me.

Dear Cheeku, I am working in a private company at Chandigarh and surviving well. Due to mental harassment/ and torture by these people, I am very depressed and it affecting my health.

With all the love a father can provide, I love you, my sweet girl.

Yash

A Letter To My Daughter Aaradhya - How To Live

My Dear Daughter,

You are almost 2.9 years and a pretty smart girl. You are growing up and gaining a lot of wisdom. Here are some things that I want you to always remember:

• You are loved! By everyone in the family and so many others. You have lots of friends – some will stay with you for a lifetime and many will come and go. This is life. You are a really good girl.

• Love your body. You are beautiful. Take care of your body – exercise and eat healthy and you will be beautiful.

• Love yourself. No one is perfect and we always have something we could be better at; sometimes we make mistakes – learn from them and move on. Take responsibility for your part, resolve to not make the same mistake again and forgive yourself.

• Do the best you can in school and don't worry so much about what your grades are. Believe in yourself. I believe in you. You are going to be a great at whatever you choose to do; the only thing you have to do is believe in yourself.

• If you can’t find the perfect path in life, create one. Ask for a job that doesn’t exist. Define your own identity, even if the universe doesn’t agree. Never stay static in something that doesn’t challenge, terrify and elate you, congruently. Life demands change.

• Don’t be afraid to work hard. I know sometimes it sucks to have to work hard at something, but if you can work at it, without giving up, you will find it gets easier. I promise. But you can’t give up! You are only giving up on yourself. I will never give up on you.

• Don’t be defeated by “NO”. You will hear it many times before you hear “YES”. But also know that sometimes no means no and it’s important to respect that. When you respect the “NO” of others, they will respect yours. Learn to know when you should push or when you should respect a “NO”. I know it’s confusing now, but with practice you will learn to know the difference.

• You can’t change people. Not men, not your friends. Accept the ones you want to accept, move on from the ones you don’t. You won’t look back, I promise.

• When you feel down, find something that makes you happy, listen to music, draw, write a song or a poem. You are very creative and when you are doing something creative, you will find peace and happiness. Put more into the world than you take away. Never stop creating things: write, read, draw, dance. Try new things and never stop trying.

• Know that you are in charge of you and you can choose to feel any way you want to. It takes work to be your own master – don’t let the thought monsters control you! You can control them! Don’t accept defeat, just keep working at it. Even I struggle with those buggers from time to time. Know that it will all be ok, especially if you love yourself and remember that your dad will always love you no matter what- you are never alone.

• Don't believe the negative thoughts and stories that sometimes pop into your mind – they aren’t true. Go back and read all of this again- this is the truth!

• The love I have for you can never be broken or taken away from you. It is a constant you can always count on.

Dear Aaradhya, on December 18, 2016, it was really a panic day for me. You burned you right arm with the hot water when you were with your mother. She never care about you and always blame you. I can feel your burn pain but she? no way....

Love you my Cheeku :). I love you with all my heart. You are my greatest gift.

A Letter to my Daughter Aaradhya on her 2nd Birthday

The Apple Of My Eyes, My Ever So Adorable Daughter Aaradhya!

I am writing this to you on your 2nd birthday. I can’t believe you are turning 2 today.

These are my wishes for you as you continue to grow up and become your own woman in this magnificent world.

May you always be so proud of your body pointing out your beautiful belly and happy to see your reflection in the mirror.

The time really does fly when you have a little one. You looked so different then and still so much the same in many ways. As I perused through those early photos of you in my phone’s camera roll last night, I saw many of your expressions that I have come to know and love. Especially that serious little gaze you have when you are deep in thought.

I took you back from the hands of your mother's parents (your nana, nani) on April 24, 2015. I can't express my feelings in words when you first time came to Chandigarh with me.

It was truly magical. You started talking right around 18 months and you haven’t stopped since. Your language has seriously just exploded and you are constantly coming up with something new and you are so good at putting together pieces about the world around you.

At bed time you made me sing “Nanha Munna Rahi Hun, Om Jai Jagdish, Shiv Kailasho Re...” to you at least ten times and after each rendition you tell “Just one more time Papa. This is the last time.”

Currently your favorite songs are “Sabse Pyara Kon Hai..., Choti Si Nahi si Pyari Si... And some Rhymes Eyo o o, eyo o o, O o o o o, Baba Black Sheep and Johny Johny Yes Papa". You request to listen to these songs multiple times on a daily basis and usually we oblige, because it makes you so blissfully happy. You sang your birthday song , "Happa happa to you...".

This year you showed us your love for animals. You pretty much want to cuddle any furry creature you come in contact with. It makes me happy how much you love animals and sometimes I wonder if you’ll always have such a love for them. You completely adore them and carry them around everywhere. You pretty much always have at least one doll or stuffed animal tagging along with you at a given moment. Oh no...!! when you saw a real Camel first time at Sukhna Lake Chanidgarh, you start crying with fear!

You have made some good friends here, you play with them and enjoy your life with them. Meeshu bua :) was your favorite friend included Nanha, Jiya, Simmi and Saloni.

This year we have also learned that you are tenacious and determined. You always know exactly what you want and you have no problem letting your desires be known. Many times you will wake up and the first thing out of your mouth is your breakfast order. No Good Morning Mama/Papa. Just “I wanna eat milk.” It always makes me laugh.

You are also real into reading people’s emotions. Just the other day we saw a little pug while we were out and you said, “Papa, doggy royi royi kar rahi hai..". Be happy doggy!” You don’t like anyone to be sad. I actually think it makes you uneasy when one of us is unhappy. The other day I was pretending to be sad when you would not share something with me and you got pretty upset about it.

You have a silly, little spirit that we just love and a little laugh I adore. You have a raspy, throaty little chuckle that matches your little voice. I thought you would grow out of it by now, but it’s still around and it’s my favorite. I hope it lasts forever.

I could go on and on about all the things I have learned to love about you this year, but I’ll end by just saying that I am so thankful and blessed to be your papa. I can’t wait to enjoy this next year of adventures with you my sweet CHEEKU!

I hope I can always help guide you in the right direction. I hope I allow you enough freedom to make your own decisions. In the meantime, I have loved every single second of watching you learn and explore and grow. You are turning from a baby to a child far too quickly, I hate it.

Here is something about your mother, your mother has some psycho problem. Every time she used to make some non-sense issues for nothing and create problems. She always wants to show me inferior in front of her parents and society.

She never speaks mannerly enough to me. She always talked rudely. When ever I tried to make her understand the things she get angry and make issues. That is really her ego! She always used to talk useless things to her mother over the phone. Every time when I tried to call her, her mobile found busy answering "the person you are calling is busy to talk to another person". For long time she did not picked up my calls.

She always used false statement to show me inferior. Over the phone call to her mother she always produce a feeling of alarm.

Whenever we go to market, she swipes several things from the shop, which is very shameful to her. I always tried to make her understand and asks to return the stolen goods to the shop. Even I complaint this to her mother, but she (her mother) also used the same thing. I have some recorded voice of her mother, which you can find here. They always tried to separate you from me. How can a mother tell her married daughter, "Just do time pass with your husband".

I would love to keep you exactly how you are at this moment forever, but I know I can’t. What I can do is cherish every single second of right now. Savor your high pitched giggles and tickle your quickly disappearing baby thighs.

I have no doubts that you will conquer every obstacle in your future. You are wonderful. You are amazing. You are worthy. You are gorgeous. You are you.

I love you. Happy birthday. We celebrate your beautiful little soul today, and every day. Keep shining your light.

Love you my Apricot! :) Cheeku :)

How A Mother Talks To Her Child... Mother Connect and Father Correct!

Generally what does the mother do with the child; CONNECT right!
And what does the father do; CORRECT!

Exceptions are there, no doubt about that but generally we see the mother connecting with the child and the father correcting. It does not mean that the mother does not correct the child. She corrects the child but only after connecting a lot.  Mother connects with the child so much that the child does not feel pinch of correcting.

Connect take time, it require a design, it requires emotions and most important thoughts.

Take a situation where the child is not interested to drink a glass of milk. Parents make all the effort to convince the child to drink. The way a father convinces and the mother convinces the child is entirely different. Even though their intention are same to make the child drink milk by taking interest. Their approaches are different.

Mother tells the child, "You do not want to drink milk, OK, do not drink, and keep it aside. Come to me, 'Mother hugs the child and explains 'If you drink milk you can become Sachin Tendulkar.' Sparkles comes into the child's eyes, he asks curiously, 'Can I become like Tendulkar Mummy?'. Yes, why not, but for that you need to be as strong as Tendulkar. To become strong and sharp as Tendulkar you need to drink milk everyday'. Now the child is interested to drink milk because mother could connect with the child.

Now think for a while how a typical father convinces the child. Father looks him in the eye and shouts' do you know how much price a one liter milk comes for. One liter milk comes for forty five rupees and you are throwing tantrums. Here you are refusing to drink milk. How stupid you are, drink milk now. I say drink milk now, quick!'

Now the child runs towards mother for rescue. Mother hugs the child and requests him to stop crying. Mother then asks the father, "What have you told him, again he is crying?' Father defends by explaining, 'There are number of children who die due to malnutrition, they are not even getting two square meals per day. And he is getting everything sill he is not drinking milk.'

Now the father has to realize that he does not have to be so knowledge to convince a child. Moreover any knowledge which cannot enable us to convince a child to drink milk is not useful. Father has to accept the fact the knowledge he is trying to give his child, mother already has that. But the mother behaved according to the child's capacity to learn. Mother understood the situation clearly. She knows which method will work now and which method will not work.

Mother becomes successful in convincing the child to drink milk because she connected with the child in his own terms whereas father tries to correct the child by giving logic. Suppose the father yells at the child and says,'Do you realize the important of calcium, milk has calcium in it, and you do not understand anything.' The child comes back and asks the father, 'OK I agree, tell me how much calcium one liter milk has? Now father is clueless, even if he has answer it is of no use.

What we understand here is when you keep on correcting people through your knowledge, you will be losing for sure. May be in  short term and definitely in the long term you will lose. When you connect with the people there is no losing and no winning. There is a bond that gets built or if it is there it gets strengthened.


"Our paths may change as life goes along, But the bond between us remains ever strong." TAPAS

Labyrinths Prayer - Lessons For Living

I am pretty new to contemplative prayer, but not new to faith. I have spent more than half of my life seeking God and learning about Him. But two years ago I was introduced to contemplative prayer.

To be honest, I struggled with it at first.

I found that there were obstacles in my own heart and mind that got in the way of me embracing solitude, silence, and stillness before God.

• Fear that I wasn't doing enough, a wrong perception of what I was doing;
• Doubt that there would be any benefit, anxiety wondering what might be stirred up.
• And most of all doubt that with my busy life raising five kids I could make room for this way of spending time with God.

A labyrinth is a path which leads, via a circuitous route, to the center of an intricate design and back out again.

We are all on the path... exactly where we need to be. The labyrinth is a model of that path.

The kind of labyrinth we designed looks a lot like a maze, but it has a significant difference. If you stay on the path, you can not get lost. The path takes you to the center and then takes you back again. There are no wrong turns, no blocked paths, and no decisions about which way to go. This type of labyrinth is pilgrimage friendly.

A labyrinth is a right brain task. It involves intuition, creativity, and imagery. With a maze many choices must be made and an active mind is needed to solve the problem of finding the center. With a labyrinth there is only one choice to be made. The choice is to enter or not.

At its most basic level the labyrinth is a metaphor for the journey to the center of your deepest self and back out into the world with a broadened understanding of who you are.

First Connect Then Correct - Ask Better Questions To Get Better Answers

A little boy of seven asked his mother "mom, how can i benefit you from these connect-correct and make better relations?"

Mom Asked the boy, "With whom do you want to have better relation?"

The little boy promptly said, "Dada ji" (Grand Father)

The mother suggested the boy that he should go to his grandfather ask, "Dada ji; How is your muscle pain now a days?" The boy ran to his dada ji and asked, "How is your pain now a days?" Dada ji's face reflected many marks of uneasiness, and then he said hesitantly, "It's terrible, very painful, especially in winters it pains a lot, and I am not at all with myself when it continuously hurts for couple of hours....."

The boy came back to mother and said, "mom dada ji's mood is off, he is behaving like a whiner, and i will not go to him again." The mother waited for a while then after fifteen minutes she again suggested the boy that he should go and ask dada ji about his childhood days and what mischievous thing he did during those days. The boy went and asked, "Dada ji, in your childhood what mischievous things you did?". Dada ji's face suddenly changed for the better as if he was altogether a different person and ready to speak for two hours untiringly.

He said, "You don't do anything as we did, you are always glued to TV or video game, In our days I used to go to watch Ram Lila by walking seven miles, I used to swim for 10 minutes continuously under the water, I used to so and so... and it went on....

The boy came to mother and said,"Mom, dada ji is very excited, now he seems to be happy."

Then the mother explained the power of connecting and asking questions and said, "Ask better questions to get better answers."

"When you connect first with people you bring a smile on their face. First Connect Then Correct!" -TAPAS

Stephen Covey's Seven Habits of Highly Effective People

Habit 1 : Be Proactive:

Your life doesn't just "happen." Whether you know it or not, it is carefully designed by you. The choices, after all, are yours. You choose happiness. You choose sadness. You choose decisiveness. You choose ambivalence. You choose success. You choose failure. You choose courage. You choose fear. Just remember that every moment, every situation, provides a new choice. And in doing so, it gives you a perfect opportunity to do things differently to produce more positive results.

Habit 1: Be Proactive is about taking responsibility for your life. You can't keep blaming everything on your parents or grandparents. Proactive people recognize that they are "response-able." They don't blame genetics, circumstances, conditions, or conditioning for their behavior. They know they choose their behavior. Reactive people, on the other hand, are often affected by their physical environment. They find external sources to blame for their behavior. If the weather is good, they feel good. If it isn't, it affects their attitude and performance, and they blame the weather. All of these external forces act as stimuli that we respond to. Between the stimulus and the response is your greatest power--you have the freedom to choose your response. One of the most important things you choose is what you say. Your language is a good indicator of how you see yourself. A proactive person uses proactive language--I can, I will, I prefer, etc. A reactive person uses reactive language--I can't, I have to, if only. Reactive people believe they are not responsible for what they say and do--they have no choice.

Instead of reacting to or worrying about conditions over which they have little or no control, proactive people focus their time and energy on things they can control. The problems, challenges, and opportunities we face fall into two areas--Circle of Concern and Circle of Influence.

Proactive people focus their efforts on their Circle of Influence. They work on the things they can do something about: health, children, problems at work. Reactive people focus their efforts in the Circle of Concern--things over which they have little or no control: the national debt, terrorism, the weather. Gaining an awareness of the areas in which we expend our energies in is a giant step in becoming proactive.

Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind: 

So, what do you want to be when you grow up? That question may appear a little trite, but think about it for a moment. Are you--right now--who you want to be, what you dreamed you'd be, doing what you always wanted to do? Be honest. Sometimes people find themselves achieving victories that are empty--successes that have come at the expense of things that were far more valuable to them. If your ladder is not leaning against the right wall, every step you take gets you to the wrong place faster.

Habit 2 is based on imagination--the ability to envision in your mind what you cannot at present see with your eyes. It is based on the principle that all things are created twice. There is a mental (first) creation, and a physical (second) creation. The physical creation follows the mental, just as a building follows a blueprint. If you don't make a conscious effort to visualize who you are and what you want in life, then you empower other people and circumstances to shape you and your life by default. It's about connecting again with your own uniqueness and then defining the personal, moral, and ethical guidelines within which you can most happily express and fulfill yourself. Begin with the End in Mind means to begin each day, task, or project with a clear vision of your desired direction and destination, and then continue by flexing your proactive muscles to make things happen.

One of the best ways to incorporate Habit 2 into your life is to develop a Personal Mission Statement. It focuses on what you want to be and do. It is your plan for success. It reaffirms who you are, puts your goals in focus, and moves your ideas into the real world. Your mission statement makes you the leader of your own life. You create your own destiny and secure the future you envision.

Habit 3: Put First Things First:

To live a more balanced existence, you have to recognize that not doing everything that comes along is okay. There's no need to overextend yourself. All it takes is realizing that it's all right to say no when necessary and then focus on your highest priorities.

Habit 1 says, "You're in charge. You're the creator." Being proactive is about choice. Habit 2 is the first, or mental, creation. Beginning with the End in Mind is about vision. Habit 3 is the second creation, the physical creation. This habit is where Habits 1 and 2 come together. It happens day in and day out, moment-by-moment. It deals with many of the questions addressed in the field of time management. But that's not all it's about. Habit 3 is about life management as well--your purpose, values, roles, and priorities. What are "first things?" First things are those things you, personally, find of most worth. If you put first things first, you are organizing and managing time and events according to the personal priorities you established in Habit 2.

Habit 4: Think Win-Win

Think Win-Win isn't about being nice, nor is it a quick-fix technique. It is a character-based code for human interaction and collaboration.

Most of us learn to base our self-worth on comparisons and competition. We think about succeeding in terms of someone else failing--that is, if I win, you lose; or if you win, I lose. Life becomes a zero-sum game. There is only so much pie to go around, and if you get a big piece, there is less for me; it's not fair, and I'm going to make sure you don't get anymore. We all play the game, but how much fun is it really?

Win-win sees life as a cooperative arena, not a competitive one. Win-win is a frame of mind and heart that constantly seeks mutual benefit in all human interactions. Win-win means agreements or solutions are mutually beneficial and satisfying. We both get to eat the pie, and it tastes pretty darn good!

A person or organization that approaches conflicts with a win-win attitude possesses three vital character traits:

• Integrity: sticking with your true feelings, values, and commitments
• Maturity: expressing your ideas and feelings with courage and consideration for the ideas and feelings of others
• Abundance Mentality: believing there is plenty for everyone

Many people think in terms of either/or: either you're nice or you're tough. Win-win requires that you be both. It is a balancing act between courage and consideration. To go for win-win, you not only have to be empathic, but you also have to be confident. You not only have to be considerate and sensitive, you also have to be brave. To do that--to achieve that balance between courage and consideration--is the essence of real maturity and is fundamental to win-win.

Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood: 

Communication is the most important skill in life. You spend years learning how to read and write, and years learning how to speak. But what about listening? What training have you had that enables you to listen so you really, deeply understand another human being? Probably none, right?

If you're like most people, you probably seek first to be understood; you want to get your point across. And in doing so, you may ignore the other person completely, pretend that you're listening, selectively hear only certain parts of the conversation or attentively focus on only the words being said, but miss the meaning entirely. So why does this happen? Because most people listen with the intent to reply, not to understand. You listen to yourself as you prepare in your mind what you are going to say, the questions you are going to ask, etc. You filter everything you hear through your life experiences, your frame of reference. You check what you hear against your autobiography and see how it measures up. And consequently, you decide prematurely what the other person means before he/she finishes communicating. Do any of the following sound familiar?

"Oh, I know just how you feel. I felt the same way." "I had that same thing happen to me." "Let me tell you what I did in a similar situation."

• Because you so often listen autobiographically, you tend to respond in one of four ways:
• Evaluating: You judge and then either agree or disagree.
• Probing:         You ask questions from your own frame of reference.
• Advising: You give counsel, advice, and solutions to problems.
• Interpreting: You analyze others' motives and behaviors based on your own experiences.

You might be saying, "Hey, now wait a minute. I'm just trying to relate to the person by drawing on my own experiences. Is that so bad?" In some situations, autobiographical responses may be appropriate, such as when another person specifically asks for help from your point of view or when there is already a very high level of trust in the relationship.

Habit 6: Synergize: 

To put it simply, synergy means "two heads are better than one." Synergize is the habit of creative cooperation. It is teamwork, open-mindedness, and the adventure of finding new solutions to old problems. But it doesn't just happen on its own. It's a process, and through that process, people bring all their personal experience and expertise to the table. Together, they can produce far better results that they could individually. Synergy lets us discover jointly things we are much less likely to discover by ourselves. It is the idea that the whole is greater than the sum of the parts. One plus one equals three, or six, or sixty--you name it.

When people begin to interact together genuinely, and they're open to each other's influence, they begin to gain new insight. The capability of inventing new approaches is increased exponentially because of differences.

Valuing differences is what really drives synergy. Do you truly value the mental, emotional, and psychological differences among people? Or do you wish everyone would just agree with you so you could all get along? Many people mistake uniformity for unity; sameness for oneness. One word--boring! Differences should be seen as strengths, not weaknesses. They add zest to life.

Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw:

Sharpen the Saw means preserving and enhancing the greatest asset you have-you. It means having a balanced program for self-renewal in the four areas of your life: physical, social/emotional, mental, and spiritual. Here are some examples of activities:
Physical: Beneficial eating, exercising, and resting
Social/Emotional: Making social and meaningful connections with others
Mental: Learning, reading, writing, and teaching
Spiritual: Spending time in nature, expanding spiritual self through meditation, music, art, prayer, or service

As you renew yourself in each of the four areas, you create growth and change in your life. Sharpen the Saw keeps you fresh so you can continue to practice the other six habits. You increase your capacity to produce and handle the challenges around you. Without this renewal, the body becomes weak, the mind mechanical, the emotions raw, the spirit insensitive, and the person selfish. Not a pretty picture, is it?

Feeling good doesn't just happen. Living a life in balance means taking the necessary time to renew yourself. It's all up to you. You can renew yourself through relaxation. Or you can totally burn yourself out by overdoing everything. You can pamper yourself mentally and spiritually. Or you can go through life oblivious to your well-being. You can experience vibrant energy. Or you can procrastinate and miss out on the benefits of good health and exercise. You can revitalize yourself and face a new day in peace and harmony. Or you can wake up in the morning full of apathy because your get-up-and-go has got-up-and-gone. Just remember that every day provides a new opportunity for renewal-a new opportunity to recharge yourself instead of hitting the wall. All it takes is the desire, knowledge, and skill.